Housemistresses

[englishangel]

I must admit that knowing someone as an adult must be completely different to knowing them as a child.

I am still waiting for my mother and daughter to get their acts together, they spark off each other in a most unfortunate way.

[Vonny]

For myself, I am glad and feel privileged that I had the opportunity to 'get to know her' in my adult life

Did you stay in touch with her after you left CH or did you become "friends" at a later date? Not that I'm nosey or anything!

[Katharine]

In all the years I have 'known' DRW as an adult (me, that is!) she has never been scathing about anyone. I don't think as schoolgirls we often saw the 'real' person, as she was hidden behind the carapace of what she thought a Headmistress ought to be like, as impressed upon her by the Council of Almoners. She was bossed around by the Council, even before the took up the job.

(Big snip)

I know there are lots of Hertford Old Blues out there who will never have a happy memory of her and I am sad about that. For myself, I am glad and feel privileged that I had the opportunity to 'get to know her' in my adult life and I shall miss her when she is no longer around.

I agree with Kerren that most of us never really knew her as a person. Several people have on various threads posted acts of kindness she did, so there must be many who will remember that side of her. She came to my wedding - and was absolutely thrilled to be invited. We only lived five miles from the school and my parents knew her socially as well as Headmistress.

Do you remember how she used to scrutinise the exam mark lists and put her DRW on the bottom of the list before we were given the marks? One time when I had a very high mark for Maths, but before I knew, she stopped me on the square and said, with a wry smile, 'Did you enjoy doing that Maths exam?' and would not say any more. I think that shows a fun side.

[englishangel]

I remember she did take some of us out on Long Sat if our parents couldn't make it, particularly in the summer term before exams.

She took me out when I was about 12 or 13 with Judy Furnival and a couple of girls in their O level year. We must have visited a local friend of hers because Judy and I spent the entire afternoon in our swimsuits climbing trees. The 16 year olds looked on very disdainfully but DR looked quite wistful, almost as if she would have liked to join us.

[kerrensimmonds]

Not a personal question, Vonny. Am happy to explain!
I got to know DR because she lived only about an hour's drive from me and subsequently through my involvement with the Old Girls' Association. Although I was basically pretty terrified of her when I was at school, I called in once, on spec, when I was about 28/30, and she was so friendly and hospitable that I felt encouraged to keep in touch. Then, when I was Chair of the OGA, I got to know her better, partly through driving her to London for Annual General Meetings - especially the one where we celebrated her 80th birthday. As she became 'older' and gave up the things she had taken on post-CH (Magistrate, Chair of Children's Services, Cricket Umpire, Womens Institute Choir.....) I began to visit more often - she would give me lunch (sometimes with her sisters) and then I would take her out to tea. By the time she began to fail in health (I suspect when the TIAs began originally), her sister turned to me for help and I had to rush over and take the sister to the Doctor, to get some medical intervention. When she went into the Home and her bungalow was cleared, her brother turned to me to take possession of what was left of the CH memorabilia (but as I have said elsewhere, most of that is rubbish. The good stuff went to auction, before I knew about it....).
I personally do not recall any poor treatment of me at school (although once in the House Interview - remember those?! - she accused me of having a 'false laugh'. I still remember that, because to cover nervousness I still 'laugh', and sometimes the occasion is inappropriate and gives the wrong impression!) but I was a fairly run of the mill pupil and didn't rock any boats. 20 years later, however, I learned that she had taken an exceptional step to preserve my family life - I was 14, returned to school an emotional wreck and (I remember) spent most of the time curled up on a radiator, crying. Without my knowledge, she summoned my parents up from Sussex and demanded to know if there was a problem. There had been, but they were so mortified (and I think my Dad was half afraid of her anyway....) that they swallowed their differences, showed me that they had, and for the rest of their lives put on a good face. This, to me, demonstrates a level of caring for an individual pupil which goes beyond the job - and I know others who would say that they had experienced that humane side of her, too.

[Vonny]

Thanks for explaining. I don't think I've ever seen DR - I don't recall her visiting Hertford while I was there. From the way she has been described I would probably put her in the same league as Miss Jukes & Miss Wilson. In other words I would no doubt have been petrified of her I still think she looks like Miss Jukes in the picture Mary posted - so much so that I thought it was Miss Jukes initially.

[Liz Jay]

Kerren thanks for filling us in on the background of your friendship with DR, it's certainly been a long one and of course you know her as a person far better than the rest of us ever could.
We have only our "HEADMISTRESS" memories and they all have a larger than life/caricature quality about them.
I do think things happen for a reason, and there is no such thing as coincidence. Perhaps the Universe is allowing the rest of us a privileged glimpse of your unique relationship, in order that we may better come to terms with the unsettling demons of the past, learning from our experiences the lessons of understanding and acceptance.
One day we may even be able to feel appreciation, however grudgingly and painfully expressed, for the CH experience as a catalyst in the events of our lives which followed.
I think it's wonderful that you have been such a caring friend to her Kerren and I take my hat off to you!!! Panama or velour, the choice is yours!
On the subject of coincidences, I was stewarding at a dog show near Leeds at the weekend for a judge from, I think, Kent. We got on very nicely and over lunch talked about all sorts of stuff that had nothing to do with dogs. Don't ask me how we made the conversational leap from music but next we were discussing schools, and I found out he had done the exams and interviews for CH Housey though in the end not gone there. He told me the uniform was so strange it put him and his parents right off!!!!

Love

[englishangel]

What lovely, thoughtful posts Kerren and Liz, thank you.

[cj]

I was in 1s with the fearsome Mrs Weisz (sp?). Was she at Hertford for long? I always felt that we had drawn the short straw with her, but I'm sure she was lovely outside of school restrictions ... She would inspect lower dorm at lights out and walk the length saying goodnight individually to us: "Goodnight, Catherine", with me replying in a shaky voice, "Goodnight, Mrs. Weisz". In the early 90s I was working for English Heritage at Farnham Castle (in Farnham for those wondering!!) and I'm sure I saw her. She was with 2 children (prob grandkids) and came up to me to ask what I was doing - building surveying with photogrammetry - but I cleverly diverted her onto the mediaeval latrines which were far more interesting! I chickened out of asking if it was her. Wish I had now.

[Vonny]

I was in 1s with the fearsome Mrs Weisz (sp?). Was she at Hertford for long? I always felt that we had drawn the short straw with her, but I'm sure she was lovely outside of school restrictions ...

I remember her I used to be terrified of knocking on her door to ask permission to visit Lemon Remember her?

[kerrensimmonds]

I don't remember Mrs. Weisz (however you spell it!) but in my day Miss Miles ruled as Queen in 1's - and even with hindsight I would say that she was a pretty nasty bit of work. I have recently come across a contemporary who, in 1's, was confined to the Maid's Room for a whole term, except for Chapel and lessons. This is in the 1960's. She still does not know what she did wrong... but all her meals were delivered on a tray and she was not allowed to communicate with anyone. To my shame I remember it happening - but I also remember doing nothing to stop it. I learned later (recently) that a number of academic staff had petitioned DRW to sort out the problem, but that she had declined to do so in the belief that the Housemistress had a better idea of the problem with a pupil than she did....
This 'pupil' is now 58, a grandmother, and still traumatised by the treatment meted out by Miss Miles.

[cj]

I used to be terrified of knocking on her door to ask permission to visit Lemon Remember her?

Mrs Weisz's flat always stank of cigarettes, and you had to peer through a cloud of smoke and fumes to see if she was in the dragon's den. I remember Lemon well, she was head of dorm in my first year, and looked so grown up to a little 11-year-old new girl. She always had a problem with her socks - when they were drying on the radiator after being washed, they went crispy with green soles. Eurgh! She left on her 3rd/LE year and never enjoyed the delights of the merger. Her brother had been at Horsham though, I think. There was never a homey feel about 1s. I remember visiting 4s and being amazed at the comfort and warmth of the place - posters, toys, rugs, people laughing, you know the sort of thing. 1s was very bare and bleak, a bit Oliver Twisty. Even my mum, who went to a very strict Catholic convent school in the 1950s, thought it was a bit much "in this day and age". The trouble was, everyone's parents were terrified of Mrs Weisz too!

[icomefromalanddownunder]

What lovely, thoughtful posts Kerren and Liz, thank you.

From me too.

Caroline

[icomefromalanddownunder]

I don't remember Mrs. Weisz (however you spell it!) but in my day Miss Miles ruled as Queen in 1's - and even with hindsight I would say that she was a pretty nasty bit of work. I have recently come across a contemporary who, in 1's, was confined to the Maid's Room for a whole term, except for Chapel and lessons. This is in the 1960's. She still does not know what she did wrong... but all her meals were delivered on a tray and she was not allowed to communicate with anyone. .

Oh my, oh my, oh my.

At the risk of offending any single, childless members of the forum: has anyone else noticed the correlation between the members of staff addressed as 'Miss' and the, to us, inappropriate treatment we received?

How many of the houses at Horsham were overseen by single women or men? I'm betting that none of them were.

[englishangel]

We in 2's had Mrs Winstone (Fanny behind her back) and of course the parents called her Mrs Flinststone, one father even calling her that to her face. She was small but fearsome, although apparently not as bad as Miss Miles (who I do remember as a hatchet faced woman (?), and she lived in a fog of smoke too, can you imagine it in this day and age?