Unofficial Christ's Hospital Forum

After having developed an enlarged prostate and found myself completely unable to wee one uncomfortable day, I'm now the proud owner of a catheter (at least until I get an op). Perhaps I'm a bit naive but I'd never really clocked out just what was involved. The aforesaid catheter goes against all the Classical Laws of Dickism. The old dickerooney is supposed to emit stuff, not have stuff shoved back up it. It was a shock similar to that I imagine as felt by the Austro-Hungarians in 1914 when the archduke was assassinated in Sarajevo. This isn't supposed to happen.

Many years ago a colleague told me that he'd been going along a street where a deranged old drunk was shouting "Up yer cock!" at passers-by. He said that he thought this was a rather odd inversion. The old boy might have thought of rather more amenable orifices to stick stuff up. But there we are. Maybe the old boy knew more than we did. Now I too have experienced this odd procedure.

My Irish neighbour here in Spain is in the same situation. He had the misfortune in that they thought that the problem was resolved, removed said catheter, and were surprised when he appeared in Emergency a few hours later.
Now waiting for the operation.
Curiously, nearly 50 years ago I was offered a job in Production Control with Smiths Industries in Hythe, who made catheters. Turned it down on the basis that the only social activities mentioned were 14 pubs, and ended up working overseas.
Who knows where life would have taken me had I accepted.

How many pubs did you want exactly?

I had one of those a few years ago when my back stuffed up. I told the doctor who had the pleasure of doing the plumbing work that he had just come to take the piss out of me. I don’t think he’d ever heard that one before!

In one of the earlier interviews with Billy Connolly that have been shown on TV recently he recounts that when he was younger he didn't always know what sort of material he could get away with. Then one night he came off stage and was buttonholed by a consultant urologist who asked if he'd ever done jokes about colostomy bags. No, he said, he'd never quite got round to that. Well, said the urologist, could he do a routine about colostomy bags because it would amuse him and his colleagues.

I'd never really thought about what this sort of thing involved, filing it under "Things I might have to think about at some point, but not quite now, thanks very much".

rockfreak wrote: ↑Wed Apr 21, 2021 7:38 pm How many pubs did you want exactly?

I was hoping they might suggest some other, maybe sporting, activities.

Thankfully, I haven't had the joys of a catheter - YET.

Thankfully, I haven't had the joys of a catheter - YET.

Four months on from the non-weeing emergency and the installation of the catheter, I've now had the op (trans-urethral prostate resection - TURP for short), the catheter has been removed, and I've now got the opposite problem. I'm weeing too much. Overactive bladder syndrome. Much like women who have had a baby and find that every cough, sneeze, bend down, sit down, causes an involuntary dribble (or even stream) so it's the old incontinence pads and pelvic floor exercises. The medics say it will improve as time does by. I hope so.