One day, this woman decided to check out if her three sons-in-law liked her or at least appreciated her a little.
The next day, she was walking by a river with her first son-in-law when she lets herself slide in the water and pretended to drown.
Without any hesitation her son-in-law jumped in the water to save her.
The next morning, in front of his house, he found a little Peugeot 206, brand new, with a note on the windshield:
Thank you. From your grateful mother in-law who likes you a lot.
The next day she tries the same experiment with her second son-in-law. He also dives and saves her at once.
The next morning, in front of his house, he also found a little Peugeot 206, brand new, with the same note on the windshield:
Thank you. From your grateful mother in-law who likes you a lot.
Same scenario with the third son-in-law, she slides in the water and begins to drown. While she ’s slowly sinking deep in the river he stares at her thinking: « it ’s about time this witch dies! ».
The next morning, in front of his house, he finds a brand new Porsche Carrera GT, with this note on the windshield:
Thanks Pal. Your Father-in-law.
Jokes, please.....
Moderator: Moderators
-
jhopgood
- Button Grecian
- Posts: 1886
- Joined: Mon Jun 07, 2004 6:26 pm
- Real Name: John Hopgood
- Location: Benimeli, Alicante
Eight Words with two Meanings
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing cricket without a box.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing by product of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
AND;
He said . . ..... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said . . .. I would but you're never there.
He said . ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
She said . . They don't have time
He said . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said . . We don't know; it has never happened.
He said . . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
She said ...... . . They already have boyfriends.
She said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
He said . . . A widow.
He said . .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing cricket without a box.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing by product of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
AND;
He said . . ..... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said . . .. I would but you're never there.
He said . ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
She said . . They don't have time
He said . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said . . We don't know; it has never happened.
He said . . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
She said ...... . . They already have boyfriends.
She said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
He said . . . A widow.
He said . .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
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marty
- Grecian
- Posts: 838
- Joined: Tue Jan 18, 2005 1:29 pm
- Real Name: Marty E
- Location: Buckinghamshire
P.M. to K.O. U.K. acronyms A.S.A.P.
Tony Blair wants to initiate a reduction in the O.T.T. use of acronyms across G.B. After recently returning to the U.K. from a top-level meeting with the C.E.O. of B.P. on a B.A. flight from the U.A.E. The P.M. has outlined plans to introduce a ban on most abbreviations A.S.A.P. Blair made his intentions known at 9 o’clock (G.M.T.) Wednesday a.m. at a Q&A session on H.M.S. Belfast with members of the P.A. during which he answered some F.A.Qs:
“Long-term acronym exposure is having a detrimental affect on our nation’s health,†said Blair, “it’s impacting on the N.H.S. and leading to increased cases of C.J.D. in children, as well as causing P.M.T. in women.â€
The O.D.P.M. has been tasked by the P.M. to draft a white paper into setting up a P.P.P. initiative to abolish acronyms. They have commissioned a study by the D.T.I. into the L.T.E. of prolonged acronym usage. The report, the E.T.A. of which is just before the end of the next F.Y., is widely expected to announce similar findings to that of an identical study carried out last year in the U.S.A. by the I.R.S. and F.B.I. The U.S. report, which was published by V.P. Dick Cheney, stated that acronyms had encroached heavily into American parlance since the presidencies of J.F.K. and L.B.J., blaming the C.I.A. and N.A.S.A. for doing sweet F.A. to combat the increasing confusion. A preliminary draft of the D.T.I.’s report, which was leaked to the B.B.C. and I.T.V., allegedly shows an alarmingly identical increase in the use of jargon across the whole of the E.C. and the E.U.
In an added twist, I.T.N. has allegedly been passed a D.V.D. by the L.S.E. containing evidence including C.C.T.V. footage of a plot by the M.O.D. and MI5 to derail the O.D.P.M.’s white paper. Using their favoured M.O. of tapping B.T. lines, I.T.N. alleges that MI5 operatives spied on the D.T.I. The I.T. department of the D.T.I. reportedly found a bugging device fitted to one of their I.S.D.N. lines and rebuffed a computer worm, written in H.T.M.L. which had attempted to access their computer files through an H.D.L.C.
The Conservatives, who were once led by I.D.S., immediately condemned the move:
“Any more fiddling from Labour will affect the F.T.S.E.†said Michael Howard, “The U.K. taxpayer will probably end up paying for all this through a rise in V.A.T.â€
What does it all mean?
P.M. – Prime Minister
K.O. – knock out
U.K. – United Kingdom
A.S.A.P. – as soon as possible
O.T.T. – over the top
G.B. – Great Britain
C.E.O. – chief executive officer
B.P. – British Petroleum
B.A. – the world’s favourite airline
U.A.E. – United Arab Emirates
G.M.T. – Greenwich Meantime
a.m. – earlier than p.m.
Q&A – question and avoidance
H.M.S. – Her Majesty’s Ship
P.A. – Press Association
F.A.Qs – Frequently Avoided Questions
N.H.S. – National Health Shambles
C.J.D. – mad cow disease
P.M.T. – mad cow disease
O.D.P.M. – Office of the Deputy Pie Muncher
P.P.P. – Public Private Partnership
D.T.I. – Department of Trade & Industry
L.T.E. – long-term effects
E.T.A. – estimated time of arrival
F.Y. – financial year
U.S.A. – United States of Aggression
I.R.S. – Inland Revenue Service
F.B.I. – Federal Bureau of Incompetence
V.P. – Vice President
J.F.K. – a dead president
L.B.J. – another dead president
C.I.A. – Central Incompetence Agency
N.A.S.A. – Not Another Space Accident
(Sweet) F.A. – not very much
B.B.C. – British Broadcasting Corps
I.T.V. – Independent Television
E.C. – Italian pronunciation of ‘easy’
E.U. – European Union
I.T.N. – Independent Television News
D.V.D. – Digital Versatile Disc
L.S.E. – London School of Eggheads
C.C.T.V. – closed circuit television
M.O.D. – Ministry of Defence
M.O. – modus operandi
B.T. – British Telecom
MI5 – classified
I.T. – where the nerds work
I.S.D.N. – not got a clue
H.T.M.L. – computer nerd language
H.D.L.C. – high data level link control
I.D.S. – Ian Duncan-Smith
F.T.S.E. – something to do with shares
V.A.T. – Gordon Brown’s (alleged) personal money mountain
Tony Blair wants to initiate a reduction in the O.T.T. use of acronyms across G.B. After recently returning to the U.K. from a top-level meeting with the C.E.O. of B.P. on a B.A. flight from the U.A.E. The P.M. has outlined plans to introduce a ban on most abbreviations A.S.A.P. Blair made his intentions known at 9 o’clock (G.M.T.) Wednesday a.m. at a Q&A session on H.M.S. Belfast with members of the P.A. during which he answered some F.A.Qs:
“Long-term acronym exposure is having a detrimental affect on our nation’s health,†said Blair, “it’s impacting on the N.H.S. and leading to increased cases of C.J.D. in children, as well as causing P.M.T. in women.â€
The O.D.P.M. has been tasked by the P.M. to draft a white paper into setting up a P.P.P. initiative to abolish acronyms. They have commissioned a study by the D.T.I. into the L.T.E. of prolonged acronym usage. The report, the E.T.A. of which is just before the end of the next F.Y., is widely expected to announce similar findings to that of an identical study carried out last year in the U.S.A. by the I.R.S. and F.B.I. The U.S. report, which was published by V.P. Dick Cheney, stated that acronyms had encroached heavily into American parlance since the presidencies of J.F.K. and L.B.J., blaming the C.I.A. and N.A.S.A. for doing sweet F.A. to combat the increasing confusion. A preliminary draft of the D.T.I.’s report, which was leaked to the B.B.C. and I.T.V., allegedly shows an alarmingly identical increase in the use of jargon across the whole of the E.C. and the E.U.
In an added twist, I.T.N. has allegedly been passed a D.V.D. by the L.S.E. containing evidence including C.C.T.V. footage of a plot by the M.O.D. and MI5 to derail the O.D.P.M.’s white paper. Using their favoured M.O. of tapping B.T. lines, I.T.N. alleges that MI5 operatives spied on the D.T.I. The I.T. department of the D.T.I. reportedly found a bugging device fitted to one of their I.S.D.N. lines and rebuffed a computer worm, written in H.T.M.L. which had attempted to access their computer files through an H.D.L.C.
The Conservatives, who were once led by I.D.S., immediately condemned the move:
“Any more fiddling from Labour will affect the F.T.S.E.†said Michael Howard, “The U.K. taxpayer will probably end up paying for all this through a rise in V.A.T.â€
What does it all mean?
P.M. – Prime Minister
K.O. – knock out
U.K. – United Kingdom
A.S.A.P. – as soon as possible
O.T.T. – over the top
G.B. – Great Britain
C.E.O. – chief executive officer
B.P. – British Petroleum
B.A. – the world’s favourite airline
U.A.E. – United Arab Emirates
G.M.T. – Greenwich Meantime
a.m. – earlier than p.m.
Q&A – question and avoidance
H.M.S. – Her Majesty’s Ship
P.A. – Press Association
F.A.Qs – Frequently Avoided Questions
N.H.S. – National Health Shambles
C.J.D. – mad cow disease
P.M.T. – mad cow disease
O.D.P.M. – Office of the Deputy Pie Muncher
P.P.P. – Public Private Partnership
D.T.I. – Department of Trade & Industry
L.T.E. – long-term effects
E.T.A. – estimated time of arrival
F.Y. – financial year
U.S.A. – United States of Aggression
I.R.S. – Inland Revenue Service
F.B.I. – Federal Bureau of Incompetence
V.P. – Vice President
J.F.K. – a dead president
L.B.J. – another dead president
C.I.A. – Central Incompetence Agency
N.A.S.A. – Not Another Space Accident
(Sweet) F.A. – not very much
B.B.C. – British Broadcasting Corps
I.T.V. – Independent Television
E.C. – Italian pronunciation of ‘easy’
E.U. – European Union
I.T.N. – Independent Television News
D.V.D. – Digital Versatile Disc
L.S.E. – London School of Eggheads
C.C.T.V. – closed circuit television
M.O.D. – Ministry of Defence
M.O. – modus operandi
B.T. – British Telecom
MI5 – classified
I.T. – where the nerds work
I.S.D.N. – not got a clue
H.T.M.L. – computer nerd language
H.D.L.C. – high data level link control
I.D.S. – Ian Duncan-Smith
F.T.S.E. – something to do with shares
V.A.T. – Gordon Brown’s (alleged) personal money mountain
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
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englishangel
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 6956
- Joined: Mon Feb 07, 2005 12:22 pm
- Real Name: Mary Faulkner (Vincett)
- Location: Amersham, Buckinghamshire
MCPP.M.T. – mad cow disease
apart from that, very funny IMHO
Last edited by englishangel on Fri Nov 11, 2005 3:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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englishangel
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 6956
- Joined: Mon Feb 07, 2005 12:22 pm
- Real Name: Mary Faulkner (Vincett)
- Location: Amersham, Buckinghamshire
-
englishangel
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 6956
- Joined: Mon Feb 07, 2005 12:22 pm
- Real Name: Mary Faulkner (Vincett)
- Location: Amersham, Buckinghamshire
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Mid A 15
- Button Grecian
- Posts: 3189
- Joined: Thu May 19, 2005 1:38 pm
- Real Name: Claude Rains
- Location: The Patio Of England (Kent)
Hope this doesn't offend?!
New lyrics for:
I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor
At first I was afraid, I was petrified
When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died
But I'd spent oh so many years just waiting for a man that long That I
grew strong
And knew that I could take you on
But there you are... another lie,
I was geared up for a Big Mac and you've brought me
a French fry
I should have known it was bullsh*t, just a sad,pathetic dream Should
have known no anaconda would be lurking in those jeans...
Go on now go... walk out the door
Don't you promise me 10 inches then turn up with only 4
Weren't you a prat to think that I wouldn't catchyou out
Don't you know we're only joking when we say size doesn'tcount!
(Chorus)
I will survive, I will survive
Cos as long as I have batteries my sex life isgonna thrive!
I will always have good sex with a handful of latex
I will survive, I will survive. . .hey hey
It took all my self-control not to laugh out loud
When I saw your little wiener standing tall andproud
But to hell with all your ego's and to hell withall your needs Now I'm
saving all my lovin' for a cordless multi-speed
Go on now go... you'd better flee
Last time I saw a pr*ck that small was on my brother... he was 3 I
should have asked for confirmation, should have asked for referees Then
I wouldn't have you waving that wee winkything at me
Go on now go... just hit the track
Don't you bring me home no tiddlers 'cos
I'll always throw them back
The only thing that I could do with a pr*ck assmall as yours
Is to stick it with a tooth-pick, dip it in tomatosauce
(Chorus)
Go on now go... get out of my sight
I'm going back to my appliance 'cos I know it's
length is right
And if I ever see your tiny truncheon standing at
my door
You'll be counting up your inches as you pick them
off the floor
Go on now go...
I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor
At first I was afraid, I was petrified
When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died
But I'd spent oh so many years just waiting for a man that long That I
grew strong
And knew that I could take you on
But there you are... another lie,
I was geared up for a Big Mac and you've brought me
a French fry
I should have known it was bullsh*t, just a sad,pathetic dream Should
have known no anaconda would be lurking in those jeans...
Go on now go... walk out the door
Don't you promise me 10 inches then turn up with only 4
Weren't you a prat to think that I wouldn't catchyou out
Don't you know we're only joking when we say size doesn'tcount!
(Chorus)
I will survive, I will survive
Cos as long as I have batteries my sex life isgonna thrive!
I will always have good sex with a handful of latex
I will survive, I will survive. . .hey hey
It took all my self-control not to laugh out loud
When I saw your little wiener standing tall andproud
But to hell with all your ego's and to hell withall your needs Now I'm
saving all my lovin' for a cordless multi-speed
Go on now go... you'd better flee
Last time I saw a pr*ck that small was on my brother... he was 3 I
should have asked for confirmation, should have asked for referees Then
I wouldn't have you waving that wee winkything at me
Go on now go... just hit the track
Don't you bring me home no tiddlers 'cos
I'll always throw them back
The only thing that I could do with a pr*ck assmall as yours
Is to stick it with a tooth-pick, dip it in tomatosauce
(Chorus)
Go on now go... get out of my sight
I'm going back to my appliance 'cos I know it's
length is right
And if I ever see your tiny truncheon standing at
my door
You'll be counting up your inches as you pick them
off the floor
Go on now go...
Ma A, Mid A 65 -72
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englishangel
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 6956
- Joined: Mon Feb 07, 2005 12:22 pm
- Real Name: Mary Faulkner (Vincett)
- Location: Amersham, Buckinghamshire
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Richard Ruck
- Button Grecian
- Posts: 3120
- Joined: Wed Feb 02, 2005 12:08 pm
- Real Name: Richard Ruck
- Location: Horsham
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jtaylor
- Forum Administrator
- Posts: 1887
- Joined: Sat Jun 05, 2004 12:32 am
- Real Name: Julian Taylor
- Location: Wantage, OXON
- Contact:
Probably posted before, but can't trawl through it all....
Year 1981:
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes
4. Pope Died
Year 2005
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes
4. Pope Died
In future, if Prince Charles decides to re-marry .... Please warn the
Pope!!
Year 1981:
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes
4. Pope Died
Year 2005
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes
4. Pope Died
In future, if Prince Charles decides to re-marry .... Please warn the
Pope!!
Julian Taylor-Gadd
Leigh Hunt 1985-1992
Founder of The Unofficial CH Forum
https://www.grovegeeks.co.uk - IT Support and website design for home, small businesses and charities.
Leigh Hunt 1985-1992
Founder of The Unofficial CH Forum
https://www.grovegeeks.co.uk - IT Support and website design for home, small businesses and charities.
-
englishangel
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 6956
- Joined: Mon Feb 07, 2005 12:22 pm
- Real Name: Mary Faulkner (Vincett)
- Location: Amersham, Buckinghamshire
Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband, Earl.
She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman.
The doctor said, "Your heart would be just below your left breast". Later
that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman.
The doctor said, "Your heart would be just below your left breast". Later
that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
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englishangel
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 6956
- Joined: Mon Feb 07, 2005 12:22 pm
- Real Name: Mary Faulkner (Vincett)
- Location: Amersham, Buckinghamshire
And one for JR
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their
days interesting.
Well for example, the other day I went into town to a shop in the High Street.
I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
I went up to him and said, "Come on mate, how about giving a senior a
break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi.
He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres.
So I called him a piece of dog ****.
He finished the second ticket and put it on the windscreen with the first.
Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, I didn't give a monkeys. I'd gone into town by bus.
I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired.
It's still important at my age. Know what I mean?
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their
days interesting.
Well for example, the other day I went into town to a shop in the High Street.
I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
I went up to him and said, "Come on mate, how about giving a senior a
break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi.
He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres.
So I called him a piece of dog ****.
He finished the second ticket and put it on the windscreen with the first.
Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, I didn't give a monkeys. I'd gone into town by bus.
I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired.
It's still important at my age. Know what I mean?
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J.R.
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 15835
- Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2005 4:53 pm
- Real Name: John Rutley
- Location: Dorking, Surrey
Priceless, Angel. I've seen it before but the action of this pensioner sums my attitude and behaviour up completely.englishangel wrote:And one for JR
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their
days interesting.
Well for example, the other day I went into town to a shop in the High Street.
I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
I went up to him and said, "Come on mate, how about giving a senior a
break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi.
He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres.
So I called him a piece of dog ****.
He finished the second ticket and put it on the windscreen with the first.
Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, I didn't give a monkeys. I'd gone into town by bus.
I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired.
It's still important at my age. Know what I mean?
John Rutley. Prep B & Coleridge B. 1958-1963.
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Richard Ruck
- Button Grecian
- Posts: 3120
- Joined: Wed Feb 02, 2005 12:08 pm
- Real Name: Richard Ruck
- Location: Horsham
Two French paratroopers were seconded to the SAS for special training.
After the first day they met up in the bar.
"Ah, Pierre," asks one, " 'ow 'av you been doing?"
"Merde!" answers Pierre. "Ah 'av 'ad a mos' terrible day. Terrible! At seex zis morning Ah was wurken by zis beeg 'airy sergeant.'E dragged me out of bed and on to ze parade ground."
"And zen what 'appened?" inquires his mate.
"Ah weel tell you what 'appened! 'E made me climb urp zis silly leetle
platform five feet off ze ground and zen 'e said "Jurmp!"."
"'And did you jurmp?" asks his mate.
"Ah did not. Ah told 'im - " Ah am a French paratrooper. Ah do not jurmp five feet. It is beneass my dignity."
"And zen what 'appened?" asks his mate.
"Zen 'e made me climb up zis silly leetle platform ten feet off ze ground, and 'e said "Jurmp!"."
"And did you jurmp?" asks his mate.
"Ah did not. Ah told 'im - " Ah am a French paratrooper. It is beneass my dignity to jurmp ten feet."
"What 'appened zen?" asks his mate.
"Zen 'e made me climb urp zis rickety platform a 'undred feet above ze parade ground. 'E undid 'is trousers, took out zis enormous willy, and 'e said: "If you do not jurmp, Ah am going to stick zis right urp your burm."."
"Zut alors!" says his mate. "And did you jurmp?"
"A leetle beet, at ze beginning."
After the first day they met up in the bar.
"Ah, Pierre," asks one, " 'ow 'av you been doing?"
"Merde!" answers Pierre. "Ah 'av 'ad a mos' terrible day. Terrible! At seex zis morning Ah was wurken by zis beeg 'airy sergeant.'E dragged me out of bed and on to ze parade ground."
"And zen what 'appened?" inquires his mate.
"Ah weel tell you what 'appened! 'E made me climb urp zis silly leetle
platform five feet off ze ground and zen 'e said "Jurmp!"."
"'And did you jurmp?" asks his mate.
"Ah did not. Ah told 'im - " Ah am a French paratrooper. Ah do not jurmp five feet. It is beneass my dignity."
"And zen what 'appened?" asks his mate.
"Zen 'e made me climb up zis silly leetle platform ten feet off ze ground, and 'e said "Jurmp!"."
"And did you jurmp?" asks his mate.
"Ah did not. Ah told 'im - " Ah am a French paratrooper. It is beneass my dignity to jurmp ten feet."
"What 'appened zen?" asks his mate.
"Zen 'e made me climb urp zis rickety platform a 'undred feet above ze parade ground. 'E undid 'is trousers, took out zis enormous willy, and 'e said: "If you do not jurmp, Ah am going to stick zis right urp your burm."."
"Zut alors!" says his mate. "And did you jurmp?"
"A leetle beet, at ze beginning."
Ba.A / Mid. B 1972 - 1978
Thee's got'n where thee cassn't back'n, hassn't?
Thee's got'n where thee cassn't back'n, hassn't?