Housemistresses

[icomefromalanddownunder]

Hi Kerren

A message for DR? Golly!


Enough of dysfunctional relationships......!! All in the past (thanks Munch).

Love - and rejoicing in the Now - !

Hi Liz

I started to reply to Kerren when I first read her post, and just got into a tangle of words and emotions.

I would like to tell DR that I want to believe that she believed that she was always acting in what she perceived to be our best interests, but I can't get past the memory of my last conversation with her. She asked me whether I realised that, since I was leaving CH at the end of UV, I would never amount to anything. I wanted to photocopy my A Level certificate, scrawl 'bo$$ocks' across it and posts it to DR, but Mum vetoed the idea.

Hmmm, guess I've still got some work to do in the areas of forgiveness and maturity

Love

Caroline

[englishangel]

I am with you there Caroline, (and Barbara-Euterpe)

I was told I would not be a doctor 'cos I was not 'caring' enough.

I made a pretty good show of it as a midwife for 25 years.

[Angela Woodford]

I'm appalled to hear of DRs final words to friends who have turned out to be highly competent well-rounded professional women. How wrong did she turn out to be?

All these years later, I believe that when she opened her mouth, the wrong things came out. Her last words to me were that I should make a good shopgirl. Perhaps what she recognised in me was that I could become a communicative helpful and sympathetic person, even if not intellectually gifted? I hope so.

Remember that awful abrupt jowl-quivering abrupt manner - the total belief that she was right? No "Christian" person should feel it commendable to crush another's confidence and aspirations. She had poor communication skills, and precious little empathy.

But she may have meant differently. Poor thing.

Munch

[Liz Jay]

Hi Mary, Caroline and all

My last conversation with DR was along the lines of her telling me I would never make anything of myself either.
She sure liked to ruin our self-esteem!! I wonder what motivated her to do that to so many of us? Did she truly believe it was in our best interests to face our futures believing we were doomed to failure?
Or was there method in her madness, knowing that eventually we would succeed in our chosen paths, motivated by the desire to prove our ex-headmistress wrong?
It seems a backhanded sort of tactic. Why not just tell us we were OK?
In her book (won't spoil it for you Munch!) she says something like, in all her years at CH she only knew three or four girls who could really be described as brilliant, and those three or four presumably were sent on their way with a little more encouragement than the rest of us- one hopes!

When I left my next school (apart from the gut-wrenching Leavers' Assembly when most of us cried) my ex-Headmaster shook/held my hand, told me I had been an asset to the school/a pleasure to teach, hoped I would keep in touch and maybe visit one day, and wished me all the best for my future success and happiness. A poignant moment.
Unlike DR who turned back to her paperwork dismissively and left me to see myself out of her study door <sigh>
If she was at all sorry to see me go she certainly hid her feelings well!!!!!!!

[Katharine]

I had a different experience of leaving - but then I was one of her swans having won my place at Oxford. My problems came later, I had got my place with no effort at all, I had never learnt how to work. At Oxford I met many others who had always found Maths easy and who were far better at it than me (a new and strange experience). I had a new tutor who had a very big chip on her shoulder as she had not got into Oxford for her first degree and we had. My degree is definitely not what DR had predicted for me, and not what I now know I could have achieved.

[kerrensimmonds]

From how I found DRW yesterday I would think that she is starting to 'give up'. She was laid back in her chair, eyes half shut most of the time. Conversation mostly around the clothes I was wearing, and what Angela Lansbury/followed by characters in East Enders were wearing (the TV was on in the corner). So yes please I would like to know where her autobiography is in case I need to refer to it in a hurry - one doesn't get a lot of notice for a funeral!
I am afraid she did not remember Barbara or Liz - but we did have an animated conversation about Betty Jukes. I said that yes she is still cooking, but only for herself now as her eyesight is very poor and I think she only cooks simple food. Then DR asked if I was now teaching cooking in Betty Jukes' place..........aarrgghh!
Very sad.

[englishangel]

I take it you are not a cook Kerren?

[kerrensimmonds]

Hmmmmm!
No.....not in the Betty Jukes or even Delia Smith league!

[englishangel]

Me neither, though I do a great Christmas cake.

I cannot understand how my children are all so tall with the food I fed them.

[kerrensimmonds]

Hello Mary.
It's in the genes (or the jeans). Not much to do with cooking,.....
Although perhaps you sprinkled a bit of 'growing' compound on their food when they were young?

[Liz Jay]

Hi Mary and all

Well I'm 5'6" and Mick is 5'9" and daughter Laura is an inch taller than her dad and while not fat she is no Kate Moss.
Our son Richard is 6'1" and still growing, he's thin and looks like a beanpole.
We look a motley crew when out together!

(When the kids were small our health visitor took some measurements and did some calculations and assured me that our daughter would be 6' tall and son 5'10" when fully grown. She said it with great authority and I memorised her words, feeling a little sad that our daughter would be towering over her little brother for ever!!)

And as for jeans, I always do quite well. The first time Laura washes hers they become a perfect fit for me....

Love

[englishangel]

My 21 year old son was the same height as me (5'7") at 13, the same as his Dad (5'10") at 14 despite being very ill during that year (I think if he hadn't been he would have grwon even more) and ended up at 15 at 6'1"(weighs 10stone) the twins (18 in a couple of weeks) were born 4 weeks early, Helen at 20" weighing 6lb 3 and Chris at 18!/2 " weighing 4lb15, everyone said he would catch up.

All through childhood she was taller and bigger and by about 13 she was 5'7 and he was 5'2, but then he started to sprout and now she is 5'10 and weighs 10st, and he is about the same height (possibly with a bit more growing to do) but weighs under 8st, he is a real stick, a healthy stick but a stick nonetheless. He eats like a horse and I don't think it worries him, but he does look very underfed. Hubby was a stick (though not quite that thin) when I met him at 10 though is considerably bigger now. The less said about me the better.

[Angela Woodford]

I am afraid she did not remember Barbara or Liz - but we did have an animated conversation about Betty Jukes. I said that yes she is still cooking, but only for herself now as her eyesight is very poor and I think she only cooks simple food. Then DR asked if I was now teaching cooking in Betty Jukes' place..........aarrgghh!
Very sad.

Oh. That is sad. I take it she has been fully orientated (time, place, person) until now? I sort of, like, wanted to be remembered to her, but even so many years later dreaded some scathing reply, knowhatImean?

Again, what a shame to think of B Jukes with v poor eyesight. Absolutely no tiny detail missed her fierce glance. She had almost instantly assessed
my eyesight (myopic to a dreary degree) and also that I hated my glasses; especially in the Cookery School, where in those conditions of heat and panic they would steam up anyway.

"You will not be allowed in this Cookerwy School without those glasses on, Angela Marsh! You are blind! Tell me what time it is by that clock!"

AM: (hopefully citing Break Time) 11 20, Miss Jukes?

(Explosion of wrath)

I have a copy of a strange little soft covered book "The Girls' School in the 20th Century" compiled from Old Girls' memories put together by Hazel Rolf. There is a photo (posed) of the Cookewy School in action, and there, on the right, is "my" cooker, a huge grey marbly 1950s gas cooker. It had wonderful air circulation in it's oven. I'd love to use it again under less stressed circumstances.

Munch

[englishangel]

I feel for anyone who is 'losing their marbles', especially when they know they are, it must be one of the worst things to bear. Losing my sight is my next worse fear, as mine also has always been poor.

I was one of the many who went to David Clulow in the UVI and got contact lenses, wore them continuously for the next ten years.

Since then I have had a succession of increasingly trendy glasses, the only time I wish I didn't wear them is when opening the oven, or in the swimming pool.

[kerrensimmonds]

In all the years I have 'known' DRW as an adult (me, that is!) she has never been scathing about anyone. I don't think as schoolgirls we often saw the 'real' person, as she was hidden behind the carapace of what she thought a Headmistress ought to be like, as impressed upon her by the Council of Almoners. She was bossed around by the Council, even before the took up the job.
She has been in the Nursing Home for five years - went in because her sisters thought she was 'losing her mind' and they wanted to go on holiday and did not want to take her in that state. In fact I now believe she had started having little TIAs - at the beginning, she recovered quickly but as the years have passed the 'return' each time is not as complete as the time before. She now regards herself as living in a 'hotel', with 'helpers' who look after her.
Some of my visits must have been just after a TIA, when I found her slightly confused. Other visits have been really good and its been a pleasure to spend time with her - even though there is a problem with deafness and she refuses to wear a hearing aid!
She does not have Alzheimers, nor is she demented. She is just physically and mentally very frail now. Although she was pleased to see me on Sunday (especially the chocolates which I popped into her bottom drawer..) she was clearly tired. When I said 'do you want to get rid of me now?', she replied with characteristic bluntness 'yes!'.
I know there are lots of Hertford Old Blues out there who will never have a happy memory of her and I am sad about that. For myself, I am glad and feel privileged that I had the opportunity to 'get to know her' in my adult life and I shall miss her when she is no longer around.