Jokes, please.....
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Mid A 15
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A young man moved into a new apartment of his own andwent to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady came out of theapartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started aconversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it wasobvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat tryingto maintain eye contact After a few minutes, she placed her hand on hisarm and said, "Let'sgo to my apartment,..... I hear someone coming." He followed her into her apartment; she closed the doorand leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is mybest feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It'sgot to be your ears." Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Lookat these breasts;they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day andmy butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere. How canyou think that the best part of my body is my ears?" Clearing his throat, he stammered .... "Outside, whenyou said you heardsomeone coming.... that was me."
Ma A, Mid A 65 -72
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Ajarn Philip
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A Young man called Ron wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend. They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived a considerable distance away. He consulted with his sister and decided after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note, not too romantic and not too personal.
Off he went with his sister to Harrods ladies dept and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of knickers for herself at the same time.
Harrods had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two items, the sister got the gloves and Ron got the knickers.
Good old Ron sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter:
Dear Sasha,
I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove). These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled at all. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing. Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.
All my love
Ron.
P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing.
Off he went with his sister to Harrods ladies dept and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of knickers for herself at the same time.
Harrods had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two items, the sister got the gloves and Ron got the knickers.
Good old Ron sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter:
Dear Sasha,
I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove). These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled at all. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing. Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.
All my love
Ron.
P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing.
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J.R.
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A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway. You're going to be okay - You'll walk again and everything, but..... Something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck, and we were unable to find it."
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got £10,000 in insurance compensation coming to you, and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact. but the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's £1,000 an inch."
The man perks up at this.
"So," the doctor says, "It's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping youmake the decision."
The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day."So," says the doctor, "Have you spoken with your wife ?""
"I have," says the man.
"And has she helped you in making the decision ?""
"She has," says the man.
"And what is it ?" asks the doctor.
"We're getting a new kitchen !!"
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway. You're going to be okay - You'll walk again and everything, but..... Something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck, and we were unable to find it."
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got £10,000 in insurance compensation coming to you, and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact. but the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's £1,000 an inch."
The man perks up at this.
"So," the doctor says, "It's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping youmake the decision."
The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day."So," says the doctor, "Have you spoken with your wife ?""
"I have," says the man.
"And has she helped you in making the decision ?""
"She has," says the man.
"And what is it ?" asks the doctor.
"We're getting a new kitchen !!"
John Rutley. Prep B & Coleridge B. 1958-1963.
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marty
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Not a joke but it is funny. Pasted from the Sky News website:
Cleveland Police have confirmed they are investigating how Darwin came to have a passport in the name of John Jones.
A force spokeswoman said: "The police team investigating John and Anne Darwin is pursuing a line of inquiry in relation to the pseudonym 'John Jones' used by John Darwin."
Meanwhile, jokers in Seaton Carew have poked fun at the fact that Darwin and his wife, Anne, had apparently purchased a property in Panama.
Overnight they erected a yellow sign on a road into the town reading: "Welcome to Seaton Canoe twinned with Panama" - but it was later removed.
Cleveland Police have confirmed they are investigating how Darwin came to have a passport in the name of John Jones.
A force spokeswoman said: "The police team investigating John and Anne Darwin is pursuing a line of inquiry in relation to the pseudonym 'John Jones' used by John Darwin."
Meanwhile, jokers in Seaton Carew have poked fun at the fact that Darwin and his wife, Anne, had apparently purchased a property in Panama.
Overnight they erected a yellow sign on a road into the town reading: "Welcome to Seaton Canoe twinned with Panama" - but it was later removed.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
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Mid A 15
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A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."
"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."
A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
(THIS GETS BETTER!)
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
Send this to all the smart women you know...and all the men that have a good sense of humour
"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."
"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."
A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
(THIS GETS BETTER!)
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
Send this to all the smart women you know...and all the men that have a good sense of humour
Ma A, Mid A 65 -72
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jhopgood
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- Location: Benimeli, Alicante
Typical of Spanish speakers to have two wordsMid A 15 wrote:A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."
"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."
A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Ordenador (masculine) used mainly in Spain
and
Computadora (feminine) used mainly in Latin America.
I have always felt that the Latin Americans preferred their version, for the middle part (puta), which is a frequently used expression when the beast does its own thing yet again.
Barnes B 25 (59 - 66)
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Mid A 15
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A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a fancy dress party. He doesn`t know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:
Dear sir,
Please find enclosed a pirates outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate.
The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint. A week passes and he received another parcel and note:
Dear sir,
Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monks habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.
The man is really furious now, because the company has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head. So he writes a really rude letter of complaint. A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the accompanying letter:
Dear sir,
Please find enclosed a tin of golden syrup.
Pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your ar*e and go as a toffee apple.
Dear sir,
Please find enclosed a pirates outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate.
The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint. A week passes and he received another parcel and note:
Dear sir,
Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monks habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.
The man is really furious now, because the company has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head. So he writes a really rude letter of complaint. A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the accompanying letter:
Dear sir,
Please find enclosed a tin of golden syrup.
Pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your ar*e and go as a toffee apple.
Ma A, Mid A 65 -72
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J.R.
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and whilst on the above thread............
Another man writes to a fancy-dress costumier stating he is going to a fancy-dress party, and would they please send him a medium fig-leaf as he wishes to attend as Adam with his wife as Eve !
Two days later a fig-leaf arrives which he returns as 'too small'.
This goes on for several days, with larger and larger fig-leaves being returned, until, in annoyance the man writes:
"I am totally dissatisfied with your company. Please send me a fig-leaf sufficient to cover my requirements !!"
A few days later, he opens a letter from the firm....
"Dear Sir. The last fig-leaf we sent you is the largest one we stock. If that does not cover your requirements, we suggest you stick the end of your requirements up your a*rse and go as a petrol pump !!!"
Another man writes to a fancy-dress costumier stating he is going to a fancy-dress party, and would they please send him a medium fig-leaf as he wishes to attend as Adam with his wife as Eve !
Two days later a fig-leaf arrives which he returns as 'too small'.
This goes on for several days, with larger and larger fig-leaves being returned, until, in annoyance the man writes:
"I am totally dissatisfied with your company. Please send me a fig-leaf sufficient to cover my requirements !!"
A few days later, he opens a letter from the firm....
"Dear Sir. The last fig-leaf we sent you is the largest one we stock. If that does not cover your requirements, we suggest you stick the end of your requirements up your a*rse and go as a petrol pump !!!"
John Rutley. Prep B & Coleridge B. 1958-1963.
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Ajarn Philip
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- Real Name: AP
On a more seasonal note...
CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE DISTURBED
* 1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
* 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are
* 3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas
* 4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
* 5. Manic - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....
* 6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
* 7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
* 8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
* 9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate? Why is France so far away?
* 10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE DISTURBED
* 1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
* 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are
* 3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas
* 4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
* 5. Manic - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....
* 6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
* 7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
* 8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
* 9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate? Why is France so far away?
* 10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
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J.R.
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Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus ?
It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible for giving people a sh1t*y outlook on life.
If you don't believe it, try to pull a hair from your ar*e and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye...
It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible for giving people a sh1t*y outlook on life.
If you don't believe it, try to pull a hair from your ar*e and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye...
John Rutley. Prep B & Coleridge B. 1958-1963.
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J.R.
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- Real Name: John Rutley
- Location: Dorking, Surrey
A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled.
The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man.
"No way! No needles! I hate needles " the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects.
"I can't do the gas thing - the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me !
The Dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill.
"No," the patient says, "I am fine with pills.
The dentist then returns and says, "Here is a Viagra tablet."
The patient says, "Wow - I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain pill "
"It doesn't," said the dentist, "Bt it will give you something to hold onto when I pull your tooth out !!"
The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man.
"No way! No needles! I hate needles " the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects.
"I can't do the gas thing - the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me !
The Dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill.
"No," the patient says, "I am fine with pills.
The dentist then returns and says, "Here is a Viagra tablet."
The patient says, "Wow - I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain pill "
"It doesn't," said the dentist, "Bt it will give you something to hold onto when I pull your tooth out !!"
John Rutley. Prep B & Coleridge B. 1958-1963.
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englishangel
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----- Original Message -----
From: donna kerr
To: Marcia
Sent: Thursday, December 13, 2007 6:40 PM
Subject: Fw: New Rules for 2008
New Rules For 2008
New Rule #1: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them!? Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days -- mowing my lawn.
New Rule #2 : Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain?? Trout?
New Rule #3 : Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
New Rule #4 : There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket; water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.
New Rule #5 : Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.
New Rule #6 : The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.
New Rule #7 : I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.
New Rule #8 : Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass and it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule #9 : Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting??? Oh wait!? They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
New Rule #10: I don't need bigger, mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.
New Rule #11: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.
New Rule #12 : When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months ( e.g. 27 Months.) "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
New Rule #13: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, "Do you want fries with that?"
From: donna kerr
To: Marcia
Sent: Thursday, December 13, 2007 6:40 PM
Subject: Fw: New Rules for 2008
New Rules For 2008
New Rule #1: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them!? Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days -- mowing my lawn.
New Rule #2 : Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain?? Trout?
New Rule #3 : Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
New Rule #4 : There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket; water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.
New Rule #5 : Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.
New Rule #6 : The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.
New Rule #7 : I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.
New Rule #8 : Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass and it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule #9 : Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting??? Oh wait!? They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
New Rule #10: I don't need bigger, mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.
New Rule #11: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.
New Rule #12 : When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months ( e.g. 27 Months.) "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
New Rule #13: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, "Do you want fries with that?"
"If a man speaks, and there isn't a woman to hear him, is he still wrong?"
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Mid A 15
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- Real Name: Claude Rains
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Re: Jokes, please.....
A bride on her wedding night says to her husband "I must confess darling, I was a hooker!".
He says "That's alright, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it".
She replies "Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan !".
He says "That's alright, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it".
She replies "Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan !".
Ma A, Mid A 65 -72
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Mid A 15
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Re: Jokes, please.....
What's the difference between Harold Shipman and Tony Blair?
Shipman actually did something about NHS waiting lists.
Shipman actually did something about NHS waiting lists.
Ma A, Mid A 65 -72
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jhopgood
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Re: Jokes, please.....
SIGN IN A STORE WINDOW
"WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1000 AL QAEDA TERRORISTS THAN WITH ONE SINGLE AMERICAN"
This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in Philadelphia. You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement.
However, we are a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty.
And after all, it is just a sign.
You may ask what kind of business would dare post such a sign.
Answer:
A Funeral Home
Who said morticians had no sense of humour?)
"WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1000 AL QAEDA TERRORISTS THAN WITH ONE SINGLE AMERICAN"
This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in Philadelphia. You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement.
However, we are a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty.
And after all, it is just a sign.
You may ask what kind of business would dare post such a sign.
Answer:
A Funeral Home
Who said morticians had no sense of humour?)
Barnes B 25 (59 - 66)