A Victims/Survivor event

This section was setup in August 2018 in order to move the existing related discussions from other sections into this new section to group them together, and separate from the other CH-related topics.

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robert totterdell
GE (Great Erasmus)
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Real Name: Mr Robert G S Totterdell

A Victims/Survivor event

Post by robert totterdell »

This is a very quick question: We are looking at an event at the school for victims, their families, freinds and colleagues to attend to form a 'line in the sand' and a reconciliation with regards to sexual abuse at the school.

Do you think that a) older pupils (+16) should be allowed to attend and b) current teachers to be allowed to attend? And do you think that regardless that such an event is held in/on a half term that all safeguarding officers at the school should be 'required' to attend? a & b bassed on their own wishes and not forced.

Thanks for your input

Rob
LHA
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Real Name: Charles Henry

Re: A Victims/Survivor event

Post by LHA »

Hi Robert
I guess I would throw into the mix that older pupils, until they are 18 years old, are legally children

I would personally find it helpful to understand more about what is meant by “a line in the sand”

Thank you
robert totterdell
GE (Great Erasmus)
Posts: 140
Joined: Mon Jun 25, 2018 4:58 pm
Real Name: Mr Robert G S Totterdell

Re: A Victims/Survivor event

Post by robert totterdell »

A line in the sand is simply to allow victims/survivors to come to terms with what happened to them and try to reconcile themselves to what was allowed to happen and did happen. It is not meant as the end of a victims thoughts or feelings - certainly not mine as a victim (note I do not consider myself a survivor) - their feelings and hurt remain (and possibly anger) - it is an attempt to draw a line under the past and attempt to move forward. In the end we all have to accept what happened and that it can not be changed - unless only for the future. I don't hate Peter Burr for what he did to me (which was extreme). I am still angry with 'the school' for allowing it to happen and not allowing me to report it - speak about it except to one friend (now deceased) who was also abused in the same way. The 'Victims/Survivors gatherings have gone a long way to helping those abused to 'come together' to understand that they are NOT ALONE. The event is a concept drawn, perhaps, from my experience in the attempted and failed Reconciliation process by Bishop Abel Muzerewa in Rhodesia/Zimbabwe which I was part of and was confounded by Robert Mugabe and the more suceesful Truth and Reconciliation Forum of Archbishop Desmond Tutu in the RSA ( which I was also part of). It is an attempt to bring people together who suffered the same 'issue(s)' at the place where the issues occurred to come together with the institution (whether you like or agree with it or not) and recognise/understand/acknowledge what happened. It is the chance for those that feel the need to express themselves, perhaps when they were unable to do so in their time as a child or did so but were totally ignored, and try to finally put to bed the nightmares of what happened to them which they truly recognise as an adult. And perhaps, it is a chance to show those OB denialists - and there are many (it never happened, its all made up, it was charachter building)- that actually even the school recognises the issues. It is a chance for Reconcilliation which is very much needed - hence a line in the sand and perhaps this topic could be removed. The damage of the sexual abuse was not when it happened it was/is when you understand what happened and suffer the consequences as an adult. The concept is the sea or time will eventually wipe away the reality.

I hope that this helps.
Rob
Chris Blewett
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Re: A Victims/Survivor event

Post by Chris Blewett »

And what do you do when people give their voices after the line is drawn????
LHB, Th A 1968-Xmas 73
Janey Jam-Jar
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Re: A Victims/Survivor event

Post by Janey Jam-Jar »

Chris Blewett wrote: Sun Jun 16, 2024 7:29 pm And what do you do when people give their voices after the line is drawn????
The event that Rob and others are organising is one part of the post-abuse landscape of managing trauma. For some of the OB survivor community, public recognition like this event is a significant step in healing.

What I think I'm hearing you say, Chris, is how can people use their voice in the future? I'm wondering if I'm also hearing something about how someone manages the continuing effects of trauma?
Catherine Cooper, Hertford and Horsham 1983 - 1990
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