A Victims/Survivor event

[robert totterdell]

This is a very quick question: We are looking at an event at the school for victims, their families, freinds and colleagues to attend to form a 'line in the sand' and a reconciliation with regards to sexual abuse at the school.

Do you think that a) older pupils (+16) should be allowed to attend and b) current teachers to be allowed to attend? And do you think that regardless that such an event is held in/on a half term that all safeguarding officers at the school should be 'required' to attend? a & b bassed on their own wishes and not forced.

Thanks for your input

Rob

[LHA]

Hi Robert
I guess I would throw into the mix that older pupils, until they are 18 years old, are legally children

I would personally find it helpful to understand more about what is meant by “a line in the sand”

Thank you

[robert totterdell]

A line in the sand is simply to allow victims/survivors to come to terms with what happened to them and try to reconcile themselves to what was allowed to happen and did happen. It is not meant as the end of a victims thoughts or feelings - certainly not mine as a victim (note I do not consider myself a survivor) - their feelings and hurt remain (and possibly anger) - it is an attempt to draw a line under the past and attempt to move forward. In the end we all have to accept what happened and that it can not be changed - unless only for the future. I don't hate Peter Burr for what he did to me (which was extreme). I am still angry with 'the school' for allowing it to happen and not allowing me to report it - speak about it except to one friend (now deceased) who was also abused in the same way. The 'Victims/Survivors gatherings have gone a long way to helping those abused to 'come together' to understand that they are NOT ALONE. The event is a concept drawn, perhaps, from my experience in the attempted and failed Reconciliation process by Bishop Abel Muzerewa in Rhodesia/Zimbabwe which I was part of and was confounded by Robert Mugabe and the more suceesful Truth and Reconciliation Forum of Archbishop Desmond Tutu in the RSA ( which I was also part of). It is an attempt to bring people together who suffered the same 'issue(s)' at the place where the issues occurred to come together with the institution (whether you like or agree with it or not) and recognise/understand/acknowledge what happened. It is the chance for those that feel the need to express themselves, perhaps when they were unable to do so in their time as a child or did so but were totally ignored, and try to finally put to bed the nightmares of what happened to them which they truly recognise as an adult. And perhaps, it is a chance to show those OB denialists - and there are many (it never happened, its all made up, it was charachter building)- that actually even the school recognises the issues. It is a chance for Reconcilliation which is very much needed - hence a line in the sand and perhaps this topic could be removed. The damage of the sexual abuse was not when it happened it was/is when you understand what happened and suffer the consequences as an adult. The concept is the sea or time will eventually wipe away the reality.

I hope that this helps.
Rob

[Chris Blewett]

And what do you do when people give their voices after the line is drawn????

[Janey Jam-Jar]

And what do you do when people give their voices after the line is drawn????

The event that Rob and others are organising is one part of the post-abuse landscape of managing trauma. For some of the OB survivor community, public recognition like this event is a significant step in healing.

What I think I'm hearing you say, Chris, is how can people use their voice in the future? I'm wondering if I'm also hearing something about how someone manages the continuing effects of trauma?

[Chris Grady]

The School is not considering a time-line or time-out. Us small group of allies and survivors are working to put in place longterm available support services as needed. We are aware that a victim may take many years/decades to decide it is right for them to seek help. The Support Service will be there when someone needs it in the future. Anyone engaging with the event next May in person or remotely will hear more on this, and I personally hope that this event will encourage at least a few people to begin to open up about their own trauma, supported in the right way by professionals and other allies.

[Chris Blewett]

The School is not considering a time-line or time-out. Us small group of allies and survivors are working to put in place longterm available support services as needed. We are aware that a victim may take many years/decades to decide it is right for them to seek help. The Support Service will be there when someone needs it in the future. Anyone engaging with the event next May in person or remotely will hear more on this, and I personally hope that this event will encourage at least a few people to begin to open up about their own trauma, supported in the right way by professionals and other allies.

[Chris Blewett]

Well I wish you all luck - I’ve been screaming for help for the last 15 years - NHS Mental Health Services (as recently as 2 weeks ago) can offer NONE but did say I’ve done an incredible job in looking after myself for the last 57 years. I did have some help a few years ago with a charity in Norfolk but they can’t help as I don’t live in the county. It’s complicated by my having a MH condition which either exists or doesn’t according to which ‘specialist’ I see.

So forgive me if I don’t engage with your ‘professionals’ who in my experience will promise the world and deliver nothing other than to say I attended on time, smartly dressed and at the right place.