A Victims/Survivor event

[robert totterdell]

This is a very quick question: We are looking at an event at the school for victims, their families, freinds and colleagues to attend to form a 'line in the sand' and a reconciliation with regards to sexual abuse at the school.

Do you think that a) older pupils (+16) should be allowed to attend and b) current teachers to be allowed to attend? And do you think that regardless that such an event is held in/on a half term that all safeguarding officers at the school should be 'required' to attend? a & b bassed on their own wishes and not forced.

Thanks for your input

Rob

[LHA]

Hi Robert
I guess I would throw into the mix that older pupils, until they are 18 years old, are legally children

I would personally find it helpful to understand more about what is meant by “a line in the sand”

Thank you

[robert totterdell]

A line in the sand is simply to allow victims/survivors to come to terms with what happened to them and try to reconcile themselves to what was allowed to happen and did happen. It is not meant as the end of a victims thoughts or feelings - certainly not mine as a victim (note I do not consider myself a survivor) - their feelings and hurt remain (and possibly anger) - it is an attempt to draw a line under the past and attempt to move forward. In the end we all have to accept what happened and that it can not be changed - unless only for the future. I don't hate Peter Burr for what he did to me (which was extreme). I am still angry with 'the school' for allowing it to happen and not allowing me to report it - speak about it except to one friend (now deceased) who was also abused in the same way. The 'Victims/Survivors gatherings have gone a long way to helping those abused to 'come together' to understand that they are NOT ALONE. The event is a concept drawn, perhaps, from my experience in the attempted and failed Reconciliation process by Bishop Abel Muzerewa in Rhodesia/Zimbabwe which I was part of and was confounded by Robert Mugabe and the more suceesful Truth and Reconciliation Forum of Archbishop Desmond Tutu in the RSA ( which I was also part of). It is an attempt to bring people together who suffered the same 'issue(s)' at the place where the issues occurred to come together with the institution (whether you like or agree with it or not) and recognise/understand/acknowledge what happened. It is the chance for those that feel the need to express themselves, perhaps when they were unable to do so in their time as a child or did so but were totally ignored, and try to finally put to bed the nightmares of what happened to them which they truly recognise as an adult. And perhaps, it is a chance to show those OB denialists - and there are many (it never happened, its all made up, it was charachter building)- that actually even the school recognises the issues. It is a chance for Reconcilliation which is very much needed - hence a line in the sand and perhaps this topic could be removed. The damage of the sexual abuse was not when it happened it was/is when you understand what happened and suffer the consequences as an adult. The concept is the sea or time will eventually wipe away the reality.

I hope that this helps.
Rob

[Chris Blewett]

And what do you do when people give their voices after the line is drawn????

[Janey Jam-Jar]

And what do you do when people give their voices after the line is drawn????

The event that Rob and others are organising is one part of the post-abuse landscape of managing trauma. For some of the OB survivor community, public recognition like this event is a significant step in healing.

What I think I'm hearing you say, Chris, is how can people use their voice in the future? I'm wondering if I'm also hearing something about how someone manages the continuing effects of trauma?

[Chris Grady]

The School is not considering a time-line or time-out. Us small group of allies and survivors are working to put in place longterm available support services as needed. We are aware that a victim may take many years/decades to decide it is right for them to seek help. The Support Service will be there when someone needs it in the future. Anyone engaging with the event next May in person or remotely will hear more on this, and I personally hope that this event will encourage at least a few people to begin to open up about their own trauma, supported in the right way by professionals and other allies.

[Chris Blewett]

The School is not considering a time-line or time-out. Us small group of allies and survivors are working to put in place longterm available support services as needed. We are aware that a victim may take many years/decades to decide it is right for them to seek help. The Support Service will be there when someone needs it in the future. Anyone engaging with the event next May in person or remotely will hear more on this, and I personally hope that this event will encourage at least a few people to begin to open up about their own trauma, supported in the right way by professionals and other allies.

[Chris Blewett]

Well I wish you all luck - I’ve been screaming for help for the last 15 years - NHS Mental Health Services (as recently as 2 weeks ago) can offer NONE but did say I’ve done an incredible job in looking after myself for the last 57 years. I did have some help a few years ago with a charity in Norfolk but they can’t help as I don’t live in the county. It’s complicated by my having a MH condition which either exists or doesn’t according to which ‘specialist’ I see.

So forgive me if I don’t engage with your ‘professionals’ who in my experience will promise the world and deliver nothing other than to say I attended on time, smartly dressed and at the right place.

[robert totterdell]

Mr Blewitt - I am not a professional - I was a victim and I had no support. Over the last 7.5 years I manged to persuade CH to agree to the Statement that was issued publically with regards to the schools failures. I manged to get the school to agree a one off £3k payment to victims towards theropy and counselling.

I have done my best but I felt for some a one off event to re-connect not just with the school but with others who suffered, from a wide number of years might prove helpful. Clearly you do not. Can I ask exactly what you have done re dealing with the abuse at CH? Not for yourself but for the community abused. I have not asked anyone to turn up 'prim and proper' I have asked perhaps that some may wih to attend. Clearly you do not but do think it right to put your views forward to overide others as that is exactly why the abuse was allowed to occurr.

[Chris Blewett]

Im a victim as well not the cause. The Horsham I remember was one of physical, mental and sexual abuse which has left me mentally scared. You are clearly not a professional as you say which also helps the problem. I won’t post again but I am happy that I have done all I can and made 3 members of staff cry when I recounted my story.

[robert totterdell]

I remember exactly what you remember. I just got unlucky and was sexually abused by Burr between 1969 & 1972.

The whole point of the May event is to allow anyone who feels that the impact of what happened to them at CH damaged their lives (not enhanced it).

I have done my best.

[Mid A 15]

I remember exactly what you remember. I just got unlucky and was sexually abused by Burr between 1969 & 1972.

The whole point of the May event is to allow anyone who feels that the impact of what happened to them at CH damaged their lives (not enhanced it).

I have done my best.

Robert from what I can see, having followed events on here and elsewhere, you have done remarkably well.

[robert totterdell]

Hi Mid A - any chance of a quick phone call? 075 990 557 45

Rob

[Nel]

Hi Rob,

As another victim I have been amazed at how you have had the strength to consistently fight CH for an admission of their failures in safeguarding for decades, their instincts to cover up the rampant abuse that went on, and your determination to do your best for the many other victims. You have been. far stronger than I have been. I went back to CH once in 2014 to disclose the abuse that happened to me and what I knew about abuse to others and there's no way I would go anywhere near it again, but you kept up the fight again and again.

I am still incredibly angry as I see Chris is. I spent tens of thousands on private mental healthcare just to be able to keep working, followed by over a year at an NHS psychiatric hospital (Adult Eating Disorders Unit) and when my money was gone and I was unable to work, I still received help from NHS psychiatrist, psychologists and a care co-ordinator (senior psychiatric nurse) who is actually visiting my home again today as she does every couple of weeks, so I guess in some sick way I am one of the lucky ones. It still doesn't wash off the stains of disgust, self-loathing and betrayal at what happened to me and so many others at that place.

What I came on here to say, though, was that we need to remember who the real enemy is, and it's absolutely not Rob or any of the other victims who have just tried their best to support fellow victims in the face of defensiveness and a lack of interest and concern from CH that has at times bordered on viciousness. Their hypocrisy as "Christians" is stunning. Believe me, Rob's fight against this has cost him dearly in terms of his own health and mental well-being. I was not strong enough to fight in the way he has.

Chris, have you considered a civil case against CH to obtain the funds for appropriate therapy? Or talked to the Benevolent Society of Blues etc for funding for this? You deserve help as we all do. What happened at that place has impacted us all for a lifetime.

Particularly angry at the moment as Dobbie was released from prison a couple of weeks ago while his victims are still struggling every day. I hear he has been welcomed into the Catholic Church (he always did enjoy prancing around in cloaks and using incense etc) so I am not even sure about safeguarding etc although of course he is on the sex offenders list for life - but he can change his name and we all know what a good liar and how manipulative he is. If anyone knows any more about this please let me know so I can alert the probation services.

I'm deeply sorry for every victim who continues to suffer but we're stronger together and ensuring that the blame and guilt lies where it belongs - with the school, not fellow victims.

Chris, feel free to DM me if you need help with civil case or BSBs. Wishing you all peace of mind.

[robert totterdell]

Dear Nel,

Thanks for this and Chris I ask you to unserstand my 7 plus years of frustration.

Rob - there will be an event in my of 2025 and an invite will go out on this forum by Christmas. The invite explains my thought process - I need a line in the sand on the past and future.