Hertford hygeine, hierarchies and heartache (from CH Forum)

[icomefromalanddownunder]

The needlework teacher, can you imagine what she would have made of Vivienne Westwood.

I was also thinking about BJ and Jamie Oliver, but I think she would approve, probably not so much of Nigella.

Aaarrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhh! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
This would mean that BJ and I think alike

[Pixie]

When I look back at CH in Hertford in the 60s/70s I see a school that had stood still for decades, completely out of touch with the outside world. I think that sorry state had a lot to do with the presence of DR and all those teachers who had made CH their lives. There was the occasional spark of light that entered our lives to teach us but stayed only a short time, such as our French teacher (Miss Smith?) but on the whole little changed.

We were expected to conform to a certain CH type and individuality was discouraged. Those who dared to be different found themselves on the wrong side of DR and there they remained. I tried to rebel in the LIV, even managed to get a conduct, but caved in eventually and rejoined the ranks of the conformists. Somehow I remained in DR's good books so didn't experience the crushing put-downs that others received. I'm sure she had no idea how far reaching her comments were.

[icomefromalanddownunder]

When I look back at CH in Hertford in the 60s/70s I see a school that had stood still for decades, completely out of touch with the outside world. I think that sorry state had a lot to do with the presence of DR and all those teachers who had made CH their lives. There was the occasional spark of light that entered our lives to teach us but stayed only a short time, such as our French teacher (Miss Smith?) but on the whole little changed.

I agree wholeheartedly. It fell into place for me when we celebrated DR's, was it 25th?, anniversary as Head. We were still stuck in the early 1940s with her.

Liked Miss Smith, but felt we were at a slight disadvantage being taught French for O Level by a French Canadian (ti-er, en place de p-new for example)


I tried to rebel in the LIV, even managed to get a conduct, but caved in eventually and rejoined the ranks of the conformists.

Oooooooooooooooh. Are you willing to share what yours was awarded for? Mine was, IMO, pathetic, and my Mum (our parents must have received a letter telling them what norty, norty gels we were (like she didn't already know), but not explaining WHY the dreaded mark had been awarded), asked whether I had forgotten to hand up some prep.

Happy days.


Somehow I remained in DR's good books so didn't experience the crushing put-downs that others received. I'm sure she had no idea how far reaching her comments were.

I hope not, because I would hate to have to reclassify her from somewhat misguided to total bi"tch.

[Angela Woodford]

I'm sure she had no idea how far reaching her comments were.

I consider that she strongly believed that hurtful crushing remarks would make more impact on her victims. "This is right" as she would say, lowering her chin in a scary way. I remember how one in-House interview began. The agony of waiting outside the Housemistress's room and seeing the girl in front of you coming out in tears! To begin with, you had to knock, wait for the gruff "Come in!" and never confuse "Good evening Miss West" on entering with "Good night Miss West" on termination of the ordeal. That would create an exasperated reproof before she'd even got down to sifting through her papers... You stood in front of her, as far away as possible.

Me: Good... evening Miss West.

DR: (sifting away, scowling, and not even looking at me) Miss Blench thinks you're dreadful.

Oh great. That got the interview off to a good start.

Why? Surely she knew that rude and brusque would never get me to discuss my difficulties with QM Blench? Or my loneliness in House? Or the horrible sense of failure and inadequacy which the CH system had created in me?

I've never lost those feelings.

On one occasion, the girl in front of me was one of the School's true stars. Amazingly clever, pretty, slender, capable and extremely musical. Gifted and talented in every way. And nice. Out she rushed from her interview, angry and on the verge of tears. I caught up with her later. Why ever had DR given her a bad time? "Selfishness".

Oh - and another memory. I loved tennis. I'd been Commended for good play in an inter-school tennis match. The thrill of it! DR's comment? "I didn't know you were any good at a sport".

OK, I'm stopping now.

[fra828]

DR's negative attitude compounded the misery many of us felt at Hertford. But I can't remember discussing this with anyone . We simply got on with things, knowing no different at the time. And I thought I was in the minority who got poor reports from DR. I always got the impression from her that she'd had high hopes for me (don't know where that came from !), but somehow I was one of the very 'worst' at the school. I can still see her head shaking now Confusion is what I felt . Like others have said, this feeling stays with you and affects aspects of your life even decades later.

[anniexf]

One of Hertford's insidious legacies to me was feeling the need to metaphorically apologise for my existence. I had no sense of self-worth and was prepared to believe any criticism, though inwardly I felt the unfairness of it. Another was a total inability to offer any small-talk, so that later on, social occasions were a nightmare. I honestly believe I was left with no real sense of identity.
I well remember one of those ghastly end-of-term interviews (character assassinations) DR had with the girl who was 8.36, just after me. She came out in tears & told me DR had criticised her mother and her closeness to her mother. In fact her mother was all she had in the world, & they were dreadfully poor. All this girl ever had for "home jam" each term was a small jar of Marmite.
Such casual cruelty typifies for me the CH that I knew.

[fra828]

One of Hertford's insidious legacies to me was feeling the need to metaphorically apologise for my existence. I had no sense of self-worth and was prepared to believe any criticism, though inwardly I felt the unfairness of it. Another was a total inability to offer any small-talk, so that later on, social occasions were a nightmare. I honestly believe I was left with no real sense of identity.
I well remember one of those ghastly end-of-term interviews (character assassinations) DR had with the girl who was 8.36, just after me. She came out in tears & told me DR had criticised her mother and her closeness to her mother. In fact her mother was all she had in the world, & they were dreadfully poor. All this girl ever had for "home jam" each term was a small jar of Marmite.
Such casual cruelty typifies for me the CH that I knew.

This is exactly how I was left feeling. And certain, especially formal- social situations even now can leave me panicky, much prefer one to one or small groups. Strong female friendships, now that's one good thing that came out of CH Hertford.

[englishangel]

Frances, funnily enough I had the opposite experience, I have never had any close female friends and I have no difficulty mixing in many social milieus, but I agree with the rest, though I was an oldest child and always had extremely high self-esteem from home, and I WOULD NOT allow any out of touch old bat to reduce me to tears. ("The Incredible Journey" now, if that is ever on the TV everyone rushes around looking for the tissues for me)

[Pixie]

We have to ask why she treated so many girls like this. If the aim of the school was to turn out well educated, confident women who could take on the world in their chosen fields then she went completely the wrong way about it. Was there no monitering of her performance? I suppose not, which just about sums up the school at that time. We all went there with high hopes but the isolation and apparent lack of any outside influence or control let us all down.

[englishangel]

But most of us 'made it' anyway, harbouring a deep resentment, and we are now discovering we were not alone, which is good.

I have mentioned elsewhere that DR put on my UCCA head teacher's report or whatever it was called, that I would not make a good doctor as I wasn't caring enough and I then went on to have a great career as a midwife (as if she knew what she was talking about, or knew what I was like anyway)

[kerrensimmonds]

I wish people would let the poor woman rest peacefully in her grave. She was not the monster as portrayed on this Forum by a minority of the girls who passed through her care during the 30 years of her tenure.

[Jo]

Kerren, DR was different things to different people. I don't think you can deny the experiences that people have recounted here, any more than anyone should deny your experience of her as something different. Personally, I seem to have been one of the people she favoured, and for that I am grateful. My bêtes noires were the various mad housemistresses that 5s suffered for the majority of my time at school.

I don't believe DR set out to be cruel to some people. But she was living in the past, and probably had very little in the way of advice and guidance in her role. I don't get the impression she would have confided any insecurities to her staff, or the powers above her. I also think that some of the things she said may have been rather gauche attempts to engage in a dialogue, but people thought they shouldn't answer her back. I remember once, very early on, marching down to see her once about something, and she was quite sympathetic and later told my parents that I was a very brave little girl

People aren't just deliberately "not letting her rest in her grave". If some people feel she screwed up their lives as impressionable youngsters, and they find it therapeutic to talk with other people in the same boat, then as far as I can see that's what this forum is for. It's not just mindless gossip and bitching, it's cathartic and healing. But that doesn't mean that your view of DR isn't just as correct for you.

[anniexf]

Jo, I can't get the clapping hands smiley, but well done for such an excellent summary.

[midget]

My sentiments exactly. I was just scared of the woman.

[icomefromalanddownunder]

Hi Kerren

I am very mindful of your relationship with DR whenever I post anything about her, and I do not wish to hurt you, or tarnish anyone's positive memories of her. In fact, your generosity in sharing both your memories and your copy of Half To Remember have helped me see DR in a much more positive light. For this I sincerely thank you. However, for whatever reason, she was hurtful, insulting and uninspiring to me. I forgive her, but will not forget, and I believe that in sharing our experiences, negative or positive, we may help others see her, but more importantly themselves, more realistically.

I am truly sorry for the offence this must surely cause you.

With love

Caroline