IT MADE ME LARF...............................

J.R. · Post by **J.R.** » Mon Jan 09, 2006 3:05 pm

Headline on yesterdays BBC Ceefax.

'BIRD FLU CONFIRMED IN TURKEY.'

(a) I wouldn't expect it to be confirmed in a Golden Retreiver.

(b) I think we'll have beef next Christmas.

Great Plum · Post by **Great Plum** » Mon Jan 09, 2006 3:26 pm

Brilliant!

Vonny · Post by **Vonny** » Mon Jan 09, 2006 4:31 pm

Euterpe13 · Post by **Euterpe13** » Mon Jan 09, 2006 5:00 pm

That is very silly....

Vonny · Post by **Vonny** » Mon Jan 09, 2006 6:43 pm

Euterpe13 wrote:That is very silly....

..but quite funny

J.R. · Post by **J.R.** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 9:15 am

Euterpe13 wrote:That is very silly....

Thats why our Grand-Children adore me !

englishangel · Post by **englishangel** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 9:46 am

J.R. wrote:
Euterpe13 wrote:That is very silly....
Thats why our Grand-Children adore me !

Are you sure that is their emotion?

My Dad thinks my kids think he's funny too.

Euterpe13 · Post by **Euterpe13** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 12:16 pm

englishangel wrote:
J.R. wrote:
Euterpe13 wrote:That is very silly....
Thats why our Grand-Children adore me !
Are you sure that is their emotion?

My Dad thinks my kids think he's funny too.

Ouch - I see the Christmas season is well & truly over ( I don't have to worry about this sort of thing - my children already consider me certifiable, so any odd behaviour is "normal")

englishangel · Post by **englishangel** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 12:19 pm

My Mum knows that she and Dad are certifiable but Dad has always been in denial.

DavebytheSea · Post by **DavebytheSea** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 10:11 pm

The reason that I do not contribute to the jokes thread is that I lack any sense of humour. This was made abundantly clear to me several years ago by a well known comic actor with whom I regularly sailed over a period of time. His repartee was always witty and as a raconteur he was (and is) unsurpassed. In an endeavour to share some of the coversational burden (there were but the two of us), I attempted my one and only joke. After a long pause he said "David, you are an excellent sailor, but bl**dy awful at telling jokes. Why don't you do the sailing bit and leave the humour to me?"

Having said that, I felt I must share an incident from the classroom that happened to-day. (I durst not tell which classroom for reasons of privacy). In a tutorial lesson, some youngish girls were examining a rape alarm and discussing its use. One girl (whose reading is always a little insecure) was reading out the instructions for use and was having some trouble with the word aerosol - it is multi-syllabled and multi-vowelled and therefore not to be undertaken lightly.

What came out, after some hesitation over the offending word was something like this:

"Point your ars**hole at the attacker and press down firmly. Do not be surprised at the loud noise which should frighten him away."

UserRemovedAccount · Post by **UserRemovedAccount** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 6:12 am

Dave-by-the-Sea

Please check the number of asterisks in "ars**hole" as I cannot make any sense of it, as it stands, or are you, rather subtly, trying to disguise the Swahili word "arsithole" meaning a trumpet or bugle?

DavebytheSea · Post by **DavebytheSea** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 7:52 am

petard249 wrote:Dave-by-the-Sea

Please check the number of asterisks in "ars**hole" as I cannot make any sense of it, as it stands, or are you, rather subtly, trying to disguise the Swahili word "arsithole" meaning a trumpet or bugle?

Oh dear! Once again, David, it seems that I am in your debt. Thank you for pointing out my spatial inadequacies - I don't know what I can have been thinking about; I definitely have got too many stars in my ar**hole as it stands.

Of course, I now have another of those difficult questions of etiquette to ponder. Much as I would like to correct what I have done by the judicious use of the Edit button, to do so would indubitably leave your posting somewhat exposed. Am I right in thinking that in such circumstances, the right approach is to leave my error in situ for all to sneer at and here just simply tender my sincere apologies for the error?

J.R. · Post by **J.R.** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 12:41 pm

DavebytheSea wrote:The reason that I do not contribute to the jokes thread is that I lack any sense of humour. This was made abundantly clear to me several years ago by a well known comic actor with whom I regularly sailed over a period of time. His repartee was always witty and as a raconteur he was (and is) unsurpassed. In an endeavour to share some of the coversational burden (there were but the two of us), I attempted my one and only joke. After a long pause he said "David, you are an excellent sailor, but bl**dy awful at telling jokes. Why don't you do the sailing bit and leave the humour to me?"

Having said that, I felt I must share an incident from the classroom that happened to-day. (I durst not tell which classroom for reasons of privacy). In a tutorial lesson, some youngish girls were examining a rape alarm and discussing its use. One girl (whose reading is always a little insecure) was reading out the instructions for use and was having some trouble with the word aerosol - it is multi-syllabled and multi-vowelled and therefore not to be undertaken lightly.

What came out, after some hesitation over the offending word was something like this:

"Point your ars**hole at the attacker and press down firmly. Do not be surprised at the loud noise which should frighten him away."

Don't keep us on tenterhooks, David - A clue will do.

Only one I know who has/had a passion for sailing was a certain 'Nick-Nick'; Patron of our gallant troops and has recently moved from 'just down the road to me' to live in Dubai.

DavebytheSea · Post by **DavebytheSea** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 1:16 pm

J.R. wrote: Don't keep us on tenterhooks, David - A clue will do.

See "Word of the Day" thread.

DavebytheSea · Post by **DavebytheSea** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 1:25 pm

Aha! I see another quandary appears! I am a demoted grecian. If - note I do noy say when - I were ever to reach the magic 500 postings, what then? Shall I be again enhanced only for our forum headmaster once again to stab me in the back with another humiliating demotion? I am not sure I could bear the degradation - perhaps I should then sink into the Tube without trace!

One solution is to forbear from further musings until JT sets the goalposts further from me. Perhaps then I may stay forever a humble Dep. Please advise.